Wednesday, 7 December 2011

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

Let me start by saying that this year has been shit. I'm not blaming you in anyway for the undelivered promise of 2011 so far, however, maybe if you showed your face around town more often instead of popping up for a couple of weeks per year it would have helped. A little gift whilst stood in the freezing cold waiting for the train last month would have gone down a treat. Just saying. Anyhoo, I digress...

Here is my wishlist for this year:

  • Make all the rain and wind and cold in England stop.
  • Make the summer actually happen in summer - not in October.
  • Remove all two-faced, annoying, stupid, stuck up, and generally horrendous people. I embody all the aforementioned traits but as this is my wish list I am exempt from the banishment.
  • Stop Adam Sandler and that guy from King of Queens making any more films together. Nobody needs to see that again.
  • Spread some rumours around about me. Need to improve the street cred.
  • Do you perchance have hairdressing qualifications? If so, if you could spare four hours every morning to sort my barnet out it would be much appreciated.
  • Cause some kind of 'accident' that effects half of the England football team (I like to refer to them simply as the Arseholes). Nothing serious, maybe just some kind of freak attack that puts them out of action for a few years until they learn a lesson. I dunno, you can come up with the specifics but maybe the elves could be involved?
So as you can see from my list I'm not asking for anything insane. It's not like I've asked for the boxset of Glee. That would be mad.

Peace and joy to you and the Mrs.

Love you lots.


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